I was born in Poland and came to the United States when I was five.  
I would like to tell you my parents and family life were terrible, but they were good parents and did a great job adapting to life in the US.  My mother and grandma gave me lots of love.  Later in life they would unwittingly be my best enablers.

My dad was a workaholic who gave up a good job and life in communist Poland to find a better life and give his family the American dream. 

Right away, I felt out of place.  I got picked on and made fun of.  I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it.  At age 10, I went back to Poland on vacation.  My first drink of alcohol was given to me by my uncle – Spiritus 190 proof vodka.  It took my breath away – I didn’t like the experience.  My uncle laughed his ass off. 

My first drunk was about a week and a half later with another uncle.  We drank 2 bottles of vodka.  I puked up my guts and passed out.  I didn’t suffer any other consequences from this experience.  This uncle would later die from the disease of alcoholism.

I was a big kid by the time I got to high school, so I hung out with older kids.  I drank every weekend.  I was introduced to pot and smoked a lot – every day, many times a day.  I still drank on weekends, and then the weekends became longer and stretched over more days.

I was a good athlete, pretty smart and liked drinking and drugging, so I got along with everyone.  Drinking and drugging prevented me from reaching my potential academically and athletically.  I didn’t achieve what I could have.

Being a good athlete let me get away with things.  The teachers and the police looked the other way.  As it turned out, they didn’t do me any favors. 

I entered college as a pre-med student to play Division 3 football.  This lasted for 2 ½ semesters.  I was asked to leave because I didn’t attend classes regularly.  I was busy drinking and getting high. 

I started selling pot on weekends back in my hometown.  I got off easy on my first arrest.  The lawyer told my dad that I was a good kid and just needed direction.  I didn’t want direction.  I thought things were okay the way they were.  One of my pot customers ended up being my wife after 3 years.  She got pregnant, we married and 11 months later, a second baby was born.

My wife and I used pot, cocaine and alcohol during our 17 year marriage.  Both kids grew up without a good role model because of the drinking and drugging for most of their lives.  They picked up bad habits – lying, cheating, and stealing.  The only coping skills they knew were drinking and getting high.

My kids partied and soon became heroine addicts in their teens.  I lost several good jobs because of my drinking and drugging.  All my family and business relations were failures and I thought it was everybody else’s fault but mine.  My grandma and mother believed all of my lies.  My dad was a landlord with expensive equipment.  I stole and sold anything that was not nailed down.  This didn’t make for good family relations.

My 2^nd to last arrest – I was let off lightly with probation and an IOP program.  My lawyer asked if I wanted help – God’s first attempt to smack sense into me.  I said yes. 

I entered a ½ way house for 11 months and I was clean for 7 months after I left.  I was introduced to the rooms of AA and I thought I would be the poster child for recovery.  I forgot about being grateful and my Higher Power.  I got AA resentments and still felt I was entitled to things and that people owed me.  Things were okay, but not good enough. 

I went back out for 3 ½ years.  I was pulled over for driving while suspended after visiting my older daughter in prison.  I wanted to fight the charges but the Public Defender didn’t fight as aggressively as I would have liked.  I was offered drug court.  I accepted.  It was a chance to get clean.  I didn’t have a clue about living life.  I couldn’t give clean urine for a month.  I received 3 sanctions and spent 2 weeks in jail.  I believe the reason they let me out of jail was for me to fail and to get me kicked-off of drug court and sentenced me to prison.  The prosecutor said that relapse was part of recovery, but it was expected that I be honest.  My little mind thought - “what the hell are you talking about?  I can’t be honest – I’m an addict.”  That’s when I realized I wasn’t fooling anybody and I couldn’t be honest.  I started getting honest right then and there.  I went to Freedom House again for 5 months.  I got kicked out for self-defeating behavior.  My counselor told me I could stay sober, just not at Freedom House.  Luckily, Freedom House re-enforced AA – getting a sponsor, a home group, and a strong network.  After I got kicked out, I kept going to a couple of meetings daily, I continued to talk to my network and I worked the 12 Steps with my sponsor.  I learned to pray and got a Higher Power in my life. 

I enjoy life today because I know I can live life without drinking and getting high.  I owe a lot of my happiness to FH because they protected me from myself and introduced me to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  The guidance and counseling I received there got me going on the right track of life.  For that I am grateful and probably not grateful enough.